Yesterday at the aquarium I closed Guest Services for the first time. Of course, it also happened to be the busiest, most packed, crazy day the aquarium has had ALL summer. I think we had something like 9,500 people that entire day, and almost a thousand people in the place at one point. Um.

I was doing alright beforehand, trying to prep myself. Cause I mean, this is kinda a big deal. Guest services is the center of the aquarium mecca, you have to know this and that, where to go and what to do whenever there's a problem... and then my boss walks up to me all solemn and is kind enough to remind me of my bad rap with cash drawers, even though since they put me back on drawers a couple weeks ago, I've either been perfect on my drawer or short/over just a few cents. But she's the one who put me on the schedule to close guest services by myself... just last week! For serious? That totally ruined whatever calm I'd created and I felt like everyone was waiting for me to make mistakes left and right. Because there's A LOT more to do at guest services than outside selling tickets. She let me know she had little faith in me to do well on my first day. After the past couple weeks of working on being perfect on my drawer, she had to pull me aside and let that loose. Not the best way to start work.

Anyway... I learned a lot, most of it the hard way, no breaks, eight hours straight of grumpy people, sassy guests, flustered kids. But I made it through and all is ok. I get to close it again on Saturday which usually aren't as busy, so this time I'll be more prepared. Still, it had to be the most overwhelming day of my life. I've never juggled so much responsibility, but oddly, it was refreshing at the end of the day. To know I'd accomplished something pretty big, for me at least, was a good feeling.

Have I mentioned it's been two months since I talked to God? I am ridiculously distant - that's an understatement. The good news is that there's no guilt anymore. I feel like a weight's been lifted, like some horrible, eternal responsibility has left me. It feels like - freedom? How ironic is that? When the central message of the Bible is freedom in Christ? I'm finding happiness and joy in the little things. I'm learning more in these few summer months than I learned in four years at a closeted, private university. Peace, understanding, being myself around people rather than putting up a front, like most of the past four, delicate years in college.

That's gotta be a step in the right direction.

And I've never been more ready to get into a volunteer position that works towards eradicating social injustice. I want to help the poor. I want to really experience the Gospel in a real, living way, instead of experiencing stale Christians and wayward religious tradition. All of this and I still want to find some way back to God. But... I can't. There's just too much to swallow and I physically can't do it right now.

Yikes. But I am learning about myself, and I'm sure God will reveal Himself in time.