Nightline debate.

Here is the entire Nightline Face-off debate named "Does Satan Exist?" that came on a little while ago. I found it on Twitter and I've been enthralled ever since. I need to give a serious shout out to Mark Driscoll, who brought the Truth but full of grace in ways I wouldn't, in front of a crowd, on television, being asked challening, logical questions or responding to blatant attacks to my faith. The Spirit is working through this panel and crowd. I found myself laughing gleefully at times, challenged at times, incredulous at others. I totally enjoyed it, and was quick to notice that I would have hated this two summers ago before I accepted Christ, nor would I have embraced it so much a year ago. All attributed to God and my growing maturity - I hope.

I'm a microwave.

Ooooooh I hate sin.  Well - I tell myself that.  But secretly - in the bowels & depths of my heart - I love it.  And satan (lowercase on purpose) knows me well.  He knows I am a microwave when it comes to sinning.

I know that sin is easy.  Righteousness isn't.  Things worth having aren't easy to get.  I feel like some philosopher may have said those words a thousand years ago, & they haven't lost their pertinence in today's world.  Sin is what I run to when I am struggling, when I am bored, when I am lukewarm towards God or when I am hating Him & I want to give Him a nice punch in the face.  When I want to shock Him a little.  That's a lot of sinful opportunity.  Not only that, some sins do not take me long to get riled up about.  Like pornography or (dare I say it?) masturbation.  Who knew of a lady who struggled with both of those?  I used to think that because I'm a female that this desire - that began when I was in middle school - wouldn't last long, because aren't all women crockpots when it comes to sex?  But now I find that what becomes habit over the years also comes more quickly.  I've found that I'm actually not a typical crockpot but rather a microwave, & what enemy of God's wouldn't love that?  It's not only with sexual sin, either.

I fling myself into laziness whenever I'm in doubt, or television & music when I'm bored, or approval from the masses when I'm unsatisfied.  Aren't all of these things sin when they don't glorify the Lord?  I am quick to sin but slow to glorify God when I'm not filled with the Spirit.  I try & try to will myself out of it but again & again, I inevitably fail.  Trying to live up to Law on my own is fruitless, like Paul says in his letter to the Romans:

"For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do..." Ch. 8:3

I think that every blatant encounter with sin is a harsh reminder that naturally I cannot do what would glorify God.  I must call on the Spirit to live a life of peace, a life that isn't hostile to God:

"For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.  For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed it cannot." Ch. 8:6-7

I am amazingly better... wait, not better. New!

While I have to admit that Christianity has been stale to me the past few weeks, and I've been desensetized to Jesus for a little bit, God doesn't change but rather stays the same. My relationship with Him has basics to it that will always be there and always be foundational Truths. Here are a few of them I experienced tonight.

1) I am not called to be perfect.
2) Nor am I called to be better, rather...
3) I'm made new whether I want to or not. It's not of myself but a direct effect of God's covenant with me. Not better, but new.
3) When I deliberately sin and God brings it into the light, I always have the choice to confess it to God and lift up a repentant heart and claim my forgiveness and restore fellowship. It's not any different when I commit sin for the hundredth time and it'll be true when I pass judgement on my deathbed.
4) Even though this concept's simple, sometimes I just don't have a repentant heart. Sin is fun and irresistible. Sorry, but it's true! If it weren't, there would be no choice, no exercise of free will, no chance to opt for Christ rather than Satan and let the Holy Spirit triumph.
5) God always reveals Himself through community. The things I experience or learn from being around a group of Christ followers are so different from the things I understand about God while I'm alone. Being around others forces me to put into action all the things I meditate on in my quiet times... I always make the head to heart connections when I'm in Christ-centered community.

At our Crusade meeting tonight, I went in with a heavy and hardened heart. I came out with Christ my Lord again and with my heart softened to sherbet.

We also sung a lot of new songs, which also happened to be amazingly high-pitched for the women. That can be frustrating, not knowing the words, and on top of all that you are singing uncomfortably like a pod of squealing dolphins. We were a little lost but I think the sentiment of worship was still ever-present.

I'm feeling unpretty today.

Particularly unpretty.

This is a day when I hate the world for the stigma of unprettiness & I struggle with God's view of me as beautiful. I am a beautiful creation in His sight. Sorry, but that doesn't speak to me in front of the mirror. What speaks to me are the impossibly gorgeous, flawless women surrounding me at High Point... we are like the Miami of the South. The L.A. of the Carolina's.