So there's a God. A creator...

...now what?

This question has been on my heart a thousand times this past month. I'm experiencing the driest spiritual period of my life, and part of me doesn't care, or doesn't know how to go about fixing it even if more than half of me did. I believe that the universe was created but... where to go from here? When I don't feel the Spirit or experience Him in my life anymore, when I don't have Christian community, when I'm not inspired by the Word, it's like I'm starting all over from scratch. What is my faith without all of the above? All I seem to have left is my logic, and so that's how I approached my problem, going back to the beginning, trying to figure out if the universe, this world, my family, could have been created by Something. I can't ignore the facts that support a Creator's existence, but that's all I can say now. While this could be considered a giant leap closer to Jesus and Christianity, I don't quite feel that way. It's not that easy for me to just jump into this religion again.

The world is so anti-Christianity that it's hard to not take their side, you know? First there's the media. I never see anything on television, or on the radio, or in the movies, that portray Jesus in a supportive light. Except of course, K-Love, or TBN, or that Kirk Cameron movie that came out this spring... But that doesn't count, since those programs and movies are ENTIRELY shaped for a Christian audience, I don't care what they say about their ministry objectives. No athiest or struggling believer is going to sit there and willingly submit to "Praise the Lord" on TBN and join in their worship. Any semi-famous person that quotes Scripture is ridiculed by everyone. When I think of how many people see Christians as ridiculous fairies - surely the majority of the world feels this way - how can I not be discouraged from it? If millions upon millions hate Christians or think of this religion as storybook stupidity, how does that support my chances of feeling exactly the opposite? Not to mention how terrible people have been at the aquarium I'm working at. I see thousands of guests a day to sell tickets to them, hear about their complaints and try to make them happy, and you know the worst of them are the ones with gold crosses hanging around their necks. They're the people wearing "Jesus is my homeboy" t-shirts, or the groups from nearby Christian academies. Every completely rude person that I see wearing a cross places one more tick on the side against Christianity. I think - if I see all these people claim to be Christian and yet are complete jerks to me, how is Christianity supposed to work for me? It obviously isn't working out for them, for as C.S. Lewis says, "Growth for Christians means getting nicer" in his book Mere Christianity, more or less. Of course to Lewis there is more than that for growth but generally he says that people walking with the Lord should become nicer people over time. Outside of the time alotted every Sunday church service for greeting the people around you, the Christians I've known this summer are jerks, insensitive, uncaring & selfish people. Now aren't I the same? How do those people see me?

All this brings me to the attractiveness of just Jesus. Not Christianity, not Christians, not the religion or traditions or ceremonies. Just Jesus. He's the only thing fleetingly getting through my uncaring staleness. But is it possible follow Jesus Christ and not be associated with Christianity or crappy organized religion or all the other things out there horribly representing Him?