Good golly I hate packing!

For reeeeealz

I hate it so much. There's something about it that makes me tense. I didn't get my momma's packing genes, so what promises to be a few hours turns into DAYS of agonizing over what I need and don't need, feeling like I have way too much crap, but then feeling like I can't give anything away, either.

I've tossed a lot of things that previously I had issues with giving up, old things. I really don't have a problem anymore with throwing away things from my past life before Jesus... actually I prefer it that way. The littlest things get me to dwell on my past life and habits, and dwelling ain't no good, so there ya go. That must be why I even enjoy throwing out old things now. Maybe that's a signal of weakness? I don't know. I more see it that if something bums me out and I can get rid of it, why not? So I've been packing and organizing, watching Frasier, which I have grown to love this semester. I crack up laughing watching it. Pretty sure that makes me certifiably an old geezer.

Now it's thunderstorming :) :)

I love listening to the rain, especially loud rain that is gives big fat droplets and smacks on the pavement. The best kind! One day I'll own a rocking chair and porch just for this.

Also I'm graduating in like, five days?!?! I've yet to feel anything about it, no sadness, no nostalgia, and I'm worried. My friends say that's good to be detached, it makes it less painful when I finally do leave. But to me it just means that it'll hit twenty times harder in the middle of the summer. Which I do not want, so here's to hoping I go through all the emotions sometime this week before commencement on Saturday. My family's coming and I can't wait! Mostly because I know I'll get most of my packing done with my sisters to help. Love them.

I've been staying up crazy late these past couple days, maybe because I want to prolong the time I'm here? Because subconsciously I know I really will miss college? Definitely the comfort it brings, and the friends I've made, but I really believe I meant it last week when I said I don't think I'll miss it, on the whole. I didn't miss high school... I won't miss Crusade, I won't miss biology, I won't miss the classes or finals... not that I didn't enjoy college but that I just don't feel that I'll be really emotional when I think about the past four years. I think tomorrow or later this week when it's not 2 am, I'll write a nice, long reflective blog about my life in college and the crazy times it's been, or how much I've changed, or how good God's been through it all now that I have time to just stand back and take stock of my life. But right now, it's 2 am and I'm sleepy...