Hopes.

I hope I don't turn into a lame Christian.

A Christian who's a hypocrite, who reads one thing in God's Word then does another. I don't want to be stagnant in my faith. I don't want to settle into a comfortable neighborhood and forget the struggles outside my warm and fuzzy community. Or find myself at a church where VBS cartoon cutouts or mustly old hymnals outnumber the homeless being fed and sheltered every week.

I feel like I am turning into a lame Christian. Complacent. Self-righteous. I don't want to be a person who falls under and gets crushed by that Christian stigma. I don't want to wear a cross around my neck lest I develop a trendy, casual perspective about the Gospel. I want to be different. I've noticed that there aren't many Christians I know that really get it. I mean, get it. They throw away worldy posessions, embrace the Word and heed God's desires and really live out the Gospel. Those people are refreshing and exciting. Those are the people with dreads and tatts with seemingly radical things to preach to the nations but really they are just taking direction from the Bible and speaking and living it. I can look at myself and say that I am not one of those persons. There's a lot holding me back from surrendering my all to the Lord and I feel like that is the key. I sing, I pray, I read, I fellowship. But in the deepest pockets of my heart (or maybe more shallowly) I am holding grudges, I am judging friends, I am complaining, I am obsessing over my problems, I am dwelling on bitterness. How can I ever worship God joyfully with these things fouling up my heart?