How did you find me?
Where did you read my story?
Pulled from the papers
Desperate and hardened
Seeking a moment every fix
Angel of Mercy
How did you find me?
How did you pick me up again?
Angel of Mercy
How did you move me?
Why am I on my feet again?
And I see you...
The song is "Mercy" by OneRepublic, and it's probably about some girl the lyricist is thankful about... but, I just listened to it on Pandora and fell in love with the lyrics, and thought of Jesus - who else? My Angel of Mercy...
This week has really meant a lot to me. Spiritually, physically, emotionally, all that.
Spritually... My life is all about my job now - or it was, earlier this week. I got so caught up in it, in issues with my mentor, in the project itself, flipping out about the shortened time to get everything finished, getting bored with it, etc. I really felt lost with my project, even after talking to my mentor about it, how my whole project is exploding like the 4th of July in downtown Philly every time I look into a 200-yr old volume. Which I do, a lot. My life this past month has been a bunch of dusty old tomes full of orange book goo that gets all over my clothes, and I always end up smelling like a 19th century attic afterwards. Anyway that's what I've been obsessing over this week, and of course when I obsess over things I get unhappy because that's more time I spend focusing on worldly things and less time I spend focusing on God and what He wants. Naturally I didn't find joy in the Lord because I was lamenting over things that are already in God's control, I just didn't realize it yet. Then, Wednesday after kayaking with the REU gang, I had a revelatory experience. I felt particularly disgusted with myself or a reason I won't say here, I was upset. But instead of concentrating that anger on God or someone else, I focused it onto myself; I hated myself for the things I did (and do) - nothing really in particular, just my sinfulness. Sometimes I have these moments where I hate the fact that I'm sinful and I hate that I must struggle with sin all my life. It really put things into true focus for me, true perspective. I saw my helplessness but instead of dwelling I on it I saw the blinding light of Christ and the healing and provision he gave on the cross for me... I honestly have never been more grateful for the gift of Christ in my life. I decided to read through Psalms aloud and can I just say how great that is? To read aloud the Word of God and hear it coming out of my own mouth was transformational. I need to do it more often.
Physically... we walk everywhere in Philly, but that didn't prepare me for the annual REU canoe/kayak trip to the NJ Pine Barrens this Wednesday. SUPER intense, we paddled so much and dodged about 200 day campers from Brooklyn in their canoes, my arms hurt like whoa... but I could move mountains with my new biceps.
That's me, walking on water.It was a ton of fun, super long but I got to play with my new friends in a creek so who's complaining? The creek is tea colored thanks to some secondary compounds secreted by the Cypress trees everywhere - pretty cool.
Emotionally... I had a good cry this week, too. Cries are good. Just let it aaall out sometimes.
- Alicia
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