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My favorite time at the moment is in the mornings. When I just wake up plus the hour or two that follows before I leave my home and things really get going... things have been hectic for me lately which probably seems odd from an outsider's perspective because I've never had a lighter course load. I really only have one class with a lecture component, the rest are unstructured without much curriculum like my senior seminar, my research course and my dance classes. Spiritually I'm alright - I've been escaping into the Twilight saga a lot lately and I know ideally God would want to capture my attention as much - and I think my complacency is stemming from a feeling that maintaining my fellowship with Him would mean a lot more effort and stress than I'm willing to give.

So that's why mornings are my favorite. Time spent is controlled by me, and I can take my time and structure it however I want as long as I'm dressed and out the door before class starts. Once I'm out, waiting for the shuttle to take me to campus, school runs my life. And that's stressful.

I always immediately make coffee in the mornings and check iGoogle and my email while I let the comfort seep in. Coffee and news in the morning are one of my favorite things. Time to time I'll get into the Word and have my quiet time with the Lord then... but not always. I'm reminded of what it means to make something my priority. Am I making God my priority? No. It's difficult. But is that much of an excuse? So what if senior seminar is making me insane, so what if graduation is looming like an ominous storm cloud, so what if I have no flipping idea what I'm doing with my life in just five weeks? Is God not mightier, more powerful, more good and so much more just? How much more than any earthly thing is God worth all my love and time? I'm ashamed that I let these trivial things rule my life and emotions when earth is not even my home. I adore this song called "Lead Me to the Cross" by Hillsong - actually I've played it at least a hundred times in the past week alone so I'm sure to be sick of it soon, but so far God's impact through it is still strong. It goes:

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

It's simple, full of awe and worship and reflecting our deprivation amidst the blazing cross of Christ. I looooooove the reminder that I belong to Him.

In other news, UNC won the NCAA title last night against Michigan. The air after the win here was palpable and full of excitement, and I saw friends of mine cruising through campus, screaming at the top of their lungs, adorned in Carolina blue. The happiness was infectious. State pride is one of my favorite things about being here. Now that I'm graduating, I'm more happy to be living in ACC country than anywhere else, more proud to be a Tarheel fan and a resident of this truly amazing place than ever. I really don't want to live anywhere else. At least after this summer, since I've decided to take my sister up on her offer to live with her in South Carolina for a couple months while I figure things out. Teaching? Seminary? Both are awesome options but I've stopped myself from pursuing them whole-heartedly because neither of them are what I really desire to do. I want to be working with Crusade, I want to be settled here doing an internship surrounded by the family I've developed over the past four years, I want to be in East Asia, I want my original plans to work out. But God's timing is perfect. I'm still gonna try again because I believe He gave me this desire for East Asia and a heart for college students, so why in the world wouldn't I pursue those things? What I'm struggling with is understanding that a lot of the time, the options aren't always going to appear alongside a huge wave of emotion or inclination or passion. Sometimes God's plans are as simple as Him showing me that there's a need somewhere and me acting faithfully in pursuing everything He puts in my path. I only hope I haven't lead Him to close any doors permanently in my life because of my lack of interest in so many options He's placed before me.

Well, whatever is going on in my life right now or tomorrow, I can rest in my solitary plea for God to lead me to His cross, I can rest in the fact that my occupation, no matter what, is always going to be a lover of God and a lover of people.