He knows...

Exactly what I (we) need to hear. I have been feeling a lot like this lately. Lost, confused, worried about my relationship with God, upset at friends that keep letting me down, always frustrated that God and I aren't where I want to be. Especially last night... last night was horrible. It was like I've never been more distant from God's presence and yet, He was a force inside of me so big and fierce I wanted to explode. My heart actually hurt for a while. Thoughts crossed my mind that scared the crap out of me and I never, ever want to experience that low again. I've been in a weird, kind of 'limbo' state since then, quietly apologizing to God for my outburst of hatred toward Him last night, for my actions, for my quickness to abandon and doubt Him. And then I read this, from a friend who sends out devotions through a Facebook group, usually every day. They typically are just 'feel-good' messages to me but recently, God has really spoken through them, moved me and convicted me. I hope that it speaks volumes to you, whether you have made the decision to accept Christ as your Savior or not - for you, I hope reading this will bring you a step closer to knowing Him personally.

"Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you."
-James 4:8

Doesn't it feel like for every step you take to get closer to God, you somehow end up taking two steps back? Doesn't it feel like the closer you grow to God, the harder it feels to keep it that way? God desires intimacy with us. So much so, I bet you His heart aches for it. But, unfortunately, a lot of us can characterize our relationship with Him as being...well, distant.
Since we as humans love our comfortable little lives and don't like being out of our comfort zone too much, we like our faith to be comfortable. Seriously...sometimes my flesh wants to cower at the thought of going out and preaching the gospel, even though I know it's the truth and people need to hear it. Sometimes my flesh cringes at the thought of doing something dangerous for Jesus and putting my life on the line, yet I know that my spirit would gladly do it. But let's just face it--all relationships involve risk. That's how God made them. In order to grow in them, it requires us opening up and baring our soul to others. It leaves us feeling vulnerable, but that's how it's supposed to be.
The same is true of your relationship with God. You'll never grow close to Him unless you start becoming more vulnerable and really opening up to Him more. He already knows what you're thinking, feeling, what's in your heart, and the deepest darkest parts of your soul that you hide from everyone. There's nothing about you He doesn't know, so why hide it from Him? Talk to God about your fears. What's on your heart currently. What's bothering you. What you really want to do when you're out of high school or college. What you DON'T want to do after getting out of either one. What makes your heart ache. What makes your knees shake. What makes you uncomfortable. And what is making you hurt right now. The point is to share life with God. You're in a life-long committed relationship with Him now, and just like any relationship, you need to work at it. And you have to want it.
You could stay on the sidelines, a comfortable distance away from God, where you don't have to really do anything except read your Bible every night and pray every once in a while. Or you could grow in intimacy with the Lord by spending time with Him deep in prayer and His word every day, opening up to Him and baring all before Him. The latter isn't as comfortable, but it's what God desires with you. Are you ready to work for it?

Amazing...

- Alicia